Arts, cats and a little bit of Christmas

I think I should begin where I ended last time. My art spirit isn’t in the best condition now. And the only reason why is because I have no time for DIY now :( I have thousands of ideas per minute, but there is a lot of to do, that I can’t even begin… I think I finished my embroidery floss bracelets, I made so much of them, that I don’t even know which I should wear now ;)

Can you guess which one was the most difficult to do? Now I enjoy coloring! I bought anti-stress coloring book!

I use coloring pages now, but I’m thinking about interesting project “how would my cat look like when he/she would be a human?” I have 3 cats and I would like to draw them! I’m going to use crayons, but maybe someday I would redraw it on computer.
I see them with the eyes of imagination. Maybe I’ll add some description, but no more than 5-10 sentences. I think, maybe it would be a good idea for contest? I have to think about it, but if I’ll decide to make it, I’ll write about it on my fanpage (here:  Wymruczane Marzenia). It will be most reasonable to think about it next year. Maybe I’ll have more time then, but I’m not sure about anything now. If it succeeds we’ll go abroad on January. But I’m not going to write about it now, cause we have nothing certain yet.

I don’t have good news about my cats :( Urwis is getting worse. Tumor grew up at an alarming rate. It’s classified as not for surgery now. We have no idea how long is he going to be with us but he feels worse each one day, he has no strength to live. But until we see a spark of hope, we won’t decide for euthanasia. It’s really hard to watch him dying, I can’t accept it. He’s my friend, who was with me almost whole of my childhood. He is 15 years old, it’s not very old cat, he could have some part of lifetime ahead of him… It’s unfair :(

My cats aren’t in the best shape too. Urine tests are quite ok, but Misio has recurrent gastritis. We cure one and after few days we have another one. He has a few teeth removed, he’s also after ultrasound examination (the result wasn’t very good). I’m waiting for another one veterinary consultation, but I have some bad feelings about it :(

Purka has skin lesions, which suddenly appeared on two legs. We got some steroid ointment for her and we use it 2 times for day. She has to wear veterinary collar, because it’s not healthy for her if she licks this. My poor lamp doesn’t know how to walk with collar, she gets stuck between furnitures, falls down from bed, sometimes she freezes for a while… I feel sorry for her, but it’s better, than licking this ointment.

I’m still waiting for Amaya’s tests. I hope that everything will be at least the same as last time...

I can’t wait for a Christmas. Time passes quickly, it’s a half of November now, I don’t know where I lost a whole month. This year we decided not to buy any gifts, only for kids (my daughter and my brother’s kids).We still didn’t establish who’s going to prepare which dish, but I expect that (like last few years) we’ll make tuna salad and some cake. My husband is baking something all the time, so I think, he’ll handle it ;) . 
Christmas reminds me about meeting my family, smell of christmas tree and mandarins :)

And this year it’s going to to be much more cheerful than usual ;)


We’re all together now!

Our little daughter is one month old today! :)
We’re all feeling good, despite sleepless nights we’re really happy.
Maja was born 20th of October at 4:03pm. She weighed 3,9 kg and she got 10 points on Apgar scale. It was 6 days earlier than we planned ;) Fortunately I trusted my intuition and I didn’t rely on what my gynecologist said… It’s funny, because the same day at the morning I had an appointment and she told me, that childbirth didn’t start. Despite this i decided to go to the hospital, where turned out that some part of my fetal water flowed out, and childbirth started at least 4 hours before I was on my appointment. So they took me very quickly to the operating room, surgery took no more than 40 minutes. everything went quickly and without complications. After a few day we were home together :)  

My little girl isn’t very weepy, as you probably know, she cries sometimes when she’s hungry, she has dirty diaper or she needs to hug. But at the moment she isn’t whiny. She still can’t distinguish when is day and when is night, so she sleeps very good all day and she want’s to play at night. I hope, that it’ll change quickly ;)

My cats were really positive and gentle in contact with Maja. Purka and Amaya was careful at the beginning, but the same at the evening Amaya licked Maja’s head :) And Misio - he loves everybody so since first day he loves to sleep with Maja in her bed :) Purka still avoids Maja, but she’s not very scared. She’s curious and sometimes she sniffs her!

I note that cats are not baby killers - none of them will strangle her, infect a deadly disease, scratch her, and won’t pluck out her eyes. I'm sorry when I hear about pets, who lost their homes because of these ridiculous reasons!
They don’t understand why... 
I’ll share you below few photos, to prove, that cats are the best nannies ever! :)
We love to hug each other :)

That’s system of changing bed guard :)

"I have to hold her peacemaker, because she’ll lose it"

"I purred so much, that I napped"

She put off the blanket, so I have to put my paw on it"

"We have more colorful dreams when we sleep together"

"You can dress up, I’ll take care of her, so don’t worry! "

I have no time to write more. Maybe next time. And also I have to show you my new bracelets. My art spirit slowly walks away, but there is another one on the horizon ;) But next time I’ll tell you more about it ;)


The closer we are, the more stress we feel

The caesarean section is planned for 26th of October. It’s later than I thought, but doctors said that it’s better for my daughter - probably they’re right.
But I admit that I would like to give birth earlier, because it’s really hard now. And a lot of stress. I’m not afraid of hospital and surgery, I have some metaphysical fears… Will I be a good mother? Will Maja be happy? Can I give her everything what she needs? Can I be strong and patient enough for her? Am I really as much responsible as I thought before?
Some time ago I was reading someone’s note. Some young mother wrote, that before she had a baby she was energetic and full of enthusiasm woman. And now she has 3 years old baby, wonderful husband and it might seem perfect life. Yes, she wouldn’t change it for anything else, but she’s not really happy… For all these 3 years she didn’t have even 1 day for herself, even 1 minute to take a rest and relax. She can’t sleep, she doesn’t have a time to meet her friends, go to hairdresser, on a date with husband, she couldn’t even read any book…
First year of motherhood she focused on baby, making something at home, dinners - everyday it was a lot of to do. After this year she returned to work and it’s not better…
The number of duties is the same, but it’s less time to do it… There is no option to stretch time (if someone invented it, he would probably get a Noble price).
I’m really happy that I’ll be a mum, but please tell me - is it really so hard? Can I really forget about any relaxation? I won’t be surprised if you tell me “you get what you wanted”; you’re right with this - I wanted and I still want, I’m just afraid of this. I’m afraid, because I know myself and I’m sure that if I’ll have to give up myself and my hobbies I’ll be frustrated…
The same as now, when I can’t find any job, I’m just sitting at home and wasting fresh air :( I envy my husband and everyone surrounding me, because they have a chance! They can leave home and go to work. They can spend some time in different company, they can separate private and professional life.
And they envy me - because I don’t have to wake up very early, I have flexible work time, I don’t have to use crowded public transport or I’m not getting stuck in traffic jams, I also don’t have to work with stupid clients every day…
There are advantages and disadvantages of both solutions. But to sit whole day in empty flat isn’t really comfortable for me…
Now I’m taking less orders, firstly because of the situation which took place last time, secondly because now I’m sleepy all the time :( The last month really beats me up.

I began to pack the bag to the hospital. I think baby outfit and almost all things for me are chosen. I'm missing only some cosmetics. in my opinion it’s better to prepare everything earlier, because childbirth can begin at any time.

To not think about stressing situations I started coding. I just wanted to learn how to do this, but maybe one day I’ll develop some great app ;) Why? I haven’t think about it yet, can be for satisfaction. I still feel uncertain, because the most of my friends are developers, so when they start to talking about coding and IT problems I’m just sitting and not even trying to understand them ;) Maybe I can finally understand what they are talking about ;)

I also spend a lot of time on DIY projects. I gave up with crocheting for now, because I realized, that I have a lot of scarfs - I really don’t need another one. But I made two friendship bracelets (this one with watermelons and cats). And I haven’t said the last word on this matter yet. I have plans to make at least one more. Or even more than one if my art spirit hasn't gone to waste ;)


I have no idea for topic today

Days are passing one after another. I still have a lot of appointments and medical tests. The closer to childbirth it is, the more tests you have. Additionally I’m taking part in school of childbirth. My friend told me, that it’s worth to go, because I can learn some interesting things, I can also see the hospital ward (I can get known the distribution of rooms in the building, how the hospital works etc). You know - fear makes things look twice as bad as they are. That’s why a lot of girls want to see it before they are admitted to the hospital. I think it’s good, even if I don’t need it as much (because I’ll have caesarean section). School of childbirth are quite ok till this time - some of them interesting, some of them boring. But I’m not surprised, because it’s lectured by midwives and gynecologists - they don’t have to have lecturer skills.
After the last lesson I’m really happy, that I don’t have to give birth naturally, cause the midwife frightened us with unimaginable pain. Few girls was literally white on their faces… It wasn’t nice, it’s not the point of these lessons to scare us :( And if you’re thinking about to go on lessons like this, you have to know, that it’s fully commercialised (because it’s free). Every woman is flooded with offers of baby products and services. But it’s ok I think - they have to get some sponsors, because none of these doctors and midwives will work for free. Advertising is the key to business success, they advertise something and get money for teaching.
I regret only one thing - I can’t take part in gym exercises, because no one wants to write me about no contraindications to exercise… Because of peacemaker… As it was an obstacle to physical exercise...
By the way - I really don’t like when someone calls me android. Because what, because I have a battery, without which my heart can’t beat? And that’s the only reason? It's the same if you’d tell a man, who has leg prosthesis that he’s a Transformer…. Mercy!

My art spirit for sewing is run off, but I have a new one - I want to crochet something. My mum made a cleanup in yarns and I picked some nice colors to make a chimney scarf. If my art spirit will stay with me longer I’ll make also a hat. But I have to think, because I have a lot of hats now. I’ll share you photos when I’ll finish. But it can take a while.

My husband got a new job. Now he has better team and a more interesting project. I also got a project to do, but my client turned out to be a jerk. He acts in breach of contract and now he tries to scare me with court case and compensations. Another one senseless stress for me. I know that I’m right, but you never know how it ends - if he has good lawyer I could have a problem. That’s why I’m also meeting with my lawyer in the near future. And we will see… Maybe I should scary him with the court case too…?
That's too much for my nerves :( It’s end of working as a freelancer. I don’t know why everyone think, that if you’re freelancer, that you’re asking everyone to pull yours leg... It’s typical to order something and don’t want to pay for it, to breach of contract, to pay a part, to ask for extra fixes (and to be surprised that it’s extra paid), to have some idea and expect to realize something for free because ’it’s my idea, you have to only scribble it in your graphic apps’, to expect to begin working without any advance, to want ’ohh, just one small graphic, but without any contract, because it’s not worth the effort’...
Jesus, I had so much clients like that… And after all here are a lot of grievances, because ”you are unprofessional”. Really? So where do you see this lack of professionalism??


Roaster August

I didn’t have a lot of time for writing. Actually I have no time for computer now. The most things I need I can make with my phone - I think it’s positive, because I can manage my time in a better way. After our 2 week holidays I realised, that I have a lot of appointments and medical tests. When I come back home from doctors (especially, when it’s as hot as today), believe me - I'm exhausted and I have no power to anything.
In those worst days we to deal with high temperatures only because of cold shower, fan and with loads of mineral water. Even my cats had nothing against soaking their fur with damp cloth - they lined up and waited for their turn... :)
They were glad to use such a innovation - wet cloth lying on the floor - they were lying on it until it dried up. I also had to changed them a water (to drink) every 2-3 hours (sometimes I added few ice cubes to make the water cold)... And we’re still alive ;) Thanks God, that those high temperature days finally elapsed, I can fully breath now...

Now we have some troubles at my husband work (or maybe I should tell ex-work). I don’t want to write too much about the situation, which took place, because it doesn’t concern me directly (but still it makes me worried). But I believe it will be better soon, changing jobs should resolve the problem. 

I’m also intensely looking for a job. Pregnancy isn’t any limit for me. Until I’ve born my baby I can work in the office, after this I can work remotely and sometimes come to office for 2-3 hours. I am really organized, I always meet the deadlines. I'm sure I can handle it. I had full-time studies for last 2 years, I also had a few projects in the same time. I had never any problems with a lot of duties and I always finished it on time. So why couldn’t I reconcile working with maternity leave? I had a few job interviews, but still I wasn’t employed anywhere. My belly is like device to scare away all potential employers (even if I speak out about my organizational skills). I don’t understand why nobody wants to give me a chance, they always have trial contract at the beginning... Polish realities… I’m thinking a lot of about to go abroad, probably I’ll have better opportunities to get a job… But I’m not sure if I want to, sometimes I feel like a coward.

I’m worried about that I’m still at home - not working, I’m just a housewife. I don’t like it, I feel terrible with it. I don’t want to be judged in future by my daughter “mom is bawling out at home and daddy is working very hard… I feel totally useless and unrecognized. Earlier I was disqualified because of studies, now because of pregnancy. I’m afraid, that my daughter won’t want to have lame duck mother :( Every daughter wants to have a mom, who’ll be her authority. And I feel I’m not. I’m without any job, and without any prospects for it. I’m also spitfire, so it’s very easy to make me mad and also it’s easy for me to break down. Especially when everything rough going. I’m so tired of eternal job hunt and wasting my time at another job interview (which gives me nothing). Ok, I know that no job is a shame, but I really don’t want to work in a store. I dream to develop and have friendly team, to have some opportunities and perspectives… I want a little more out of life than the most of people. Do I expect too much? Ahh… maybe I should stop grumbling now...

My art spirit turn into big sewing event :) I made 3 blankets for Maja and a plush whale. I also made a lot of masCATs, which Koteria is going to sell on charity auctions. Probably some of them they’re going to sell in Kafka picnic and on fenology shows (Koteria and a lot of charity organisations have stands there). Sometimes I like to sew a lot of things, it makes me happy.


After holidays

Our holidays by the Baltic sea was lazy and relaxing. It was so “slow” for me, that I wanted to do something exciting. Everyday we were walking on the waterside, we saw the sunset once, we ate a lot of waffles and we fed the seagulls.
The weather wasn’t a nuisance, 22 Celsius degrees (salvation for me). Returning to Warsaw was a thermal shock for me! Within one night my legs swelled and looked like balloons... But let’s go back to the trip relation - cold water, spotty weather, but these didn’t discourage the people. The beach was so full of people, that we had even problem with walking between the windbreaks. Poles are really strange - everyone has to make “large fenced plot” for himself. Sometimes they used 4 windbreak (8 metres long each one), and inside it they had maybe 2 blankts and a lot of free space… I sympathized with kids, who came with parents to chill, make a sand castles and play beach volleyball and they didn’t have enough space to do this. When someone was passing near a blanket and accidently spilled a little bit of sand, the blanket owner made a huge fuss... The owners of enormous inflatable castle was also brawling at people. How we even dare to put our blanket 5 metres of their ridiculously colorful item??!! They tried to force us to move somewhere; I asked them if it’s their private beach and proposed them to call the police if they have some problems with life :) What do you think: would they get a ticket because of unreasonable call or the police would pooh-pooh them? I’m really curious of that :) The next day when we went to the beach we were rolling on the floor laughing, because we saw, that they made a grid fence around this castle... When we had rainy days and all those people were herded in restaurants, we were running away from thecity. We were able to go to Szczecin and three-city. It was hard for me to wake up very early, but it was more interesting to go somewhere else. Our photo session in Słowiński National Park is very nicely done! The photographer is professional, so photos are wonderful and these will allow us to keep this lovely moment.
In conclusion - it was really nice trip, as everywhere I met some cats :) I think in the near future I won’t be able to go anywhere, but I’m sure that one day I’ll return to my favourite national park.
When we came back - of course - our cats was very happy! They stayed this 2 weeks with my mum. They missed us and they wanted to pet and hug them. My mum couldn’t devote them as much time as they need. I watched them sometimes, because I left switched on webcam at home. It was easier for me to bear a separation. But I still missed them, I even missed to waking me up at 3am to purr on my pillow. It was terrible lonesome around without them. I think I don’t like to leave my home for long time because of this. Next time we’ll probably go for less time. My art spirit is returning to me! I bought a few fabrics to sew something for Maja (yes, we have chosen the name for our daughter!), blankets and maybe a teddy bear :) Probably I’ll also make a few masCATs for a charity auction (for cats of course). It depends how I’m going to feel. I’ll show you all my handmade items, for now I’m waiting for a lot of parcels! :)


Holidays before our trip

Let’s start with the great information, that I’m the calm person right now! Stress about studying has gone away. At the end of the June I got my master's degree!

I expected some problems with organising the term, but my promoter fell all over backwards to do it as fast as possible. And she did it. The employees in deanery asked the chairman of the master’s defense committee about the term; promoter and reviewer also agreed (I think they both a good relationship with each other, they cooperate with a lot of projects). On the exam nobody asked me about to discuss the subject of my thesis. I made a poster (my promoter told me, that it’s required), I was prepared to talk about it, but they didn’t want. They just asked me 3 questions around my topic and “thanks, you have the master’s degree now, next person please!”.
I made an appointment with my promoter few days after my exam. I brought her flowers - it’s polish tradition, that the way to tell “thank you”. I was really shocked, because she told me, that she liked our cooperation. I thought all that time, that she is fed up with me and that she prays every day to not to have such a student like me :) That was nice suprise :)

Urwis for a long time isn’t wearing his baby body cloth. He almost forgot about every pain and discomfort. He became more alive and he’s making mischief again :) And he wants to eat everything like before he got sick. His fur hasn’t grew up yet. Histopathological examinations confirmed, that it’s sarcoma cancer :( Now he has permanently medical surveillance. We have to check if the tumor doesn’t grow up in the same place, and also if there are no metastasis. He’s under control all the time, cause we have to detect all the changes as fast as it’s possible. I’m worried about him, but I know, that at the moment I have no influence on anything. We know for sure, that the surgery was made correct, the whole tumor was removed. Our beloved cat has a chance to get well.

I’m also worried about my Purka. We do not really know what’s wrong. Her behavior is totally normal, but the blood tests have shown elevated creatinine. We also made ultrasound examination (it was good) and urine test, which have shown that Purka alkaline urine pH and ketones. We have no idea what was the cause. Now we’re going to acidify the urine (with the cranberry tablets) and (just in case) we’re adding her paste which will dissolve the crystals (they can appear in any time with that pH). And also we have to control and watch her; check if she’s urinating without a pain, or is it clear (without any blood in it)...
Everything costs a lot of money, but it doesn’t matter for me. The most important is her health. She’s so young and she starts to getting sick, and even our vet isn’t sure what is wrong. This powerlessness kills me :( After one month treatment we have to repeat the urine tests and then we’ll maybe find out what was wrong.

Yesterday I had another one ultrasound examination. Everything is great, our little baby has 550g and it’s a girl! :) We haven’t chosen the name for our daughter yet, we have few ideas, but we have to discuss it. Now we can start buying clothes and all the baby stuff for her!

Now I’m thinking about our trip by the Baltic sea. We’re going there on Saturday! Two weeks of relaxing in Ustka city. We’re going to go to Słowiński National Park and there we’ll have our pregnancy photo session. I love that place, it reminds me of wonderful moments. That’s why we decided to make this session there. It’s probably the last trip we can organise before I have my baby, another we can make in next holidays (she’ll be 1 year old that time). So I have to relax as much as it’s possible! :)

I greet warmly all of you, I’ll write something, when we come back!


A little bit of everything again

I have to catch up with informations. A lot is going on, but i have no time to write about it.

I think I finished my master’s thesis. I hope, that my promoter won’t send me another correction. She probably also is fed up by my thesis (maybe even more than me, at least I’m not the only one, who writes the master’s thesis with her help, so she has to read a lot of texts each day). If I won’t have to change anything, I’ll print it and bring to deanery in few days. And I’ll wait for term of master’s defence. I hope, that it’ll be before we go by the Baltic sea… Maybe they’ll organise it before 4th of July, but I’m aware of that sometimes they need more time. The secretariat reserves itself to have at most one month to organise it :/ But I’m trying to think positive.

Urwis is better now. After the surgery he was walking like a drunk (after narcosis), but one day after removing wenflon he felt quite good. The veterinary wear proved too small (it’s really huge cat), so we bought him baby clothes :) It was pure cotton, so it was comfortable for him. The most cats don’t like any cloth, but I think he liked it, cause he didn’t try to undress himself. He looked so cute in it :) Now he’s after taking out stitches, the wound is healing well. I really see, that he has better mood now.
The tumor he had bothered him - it pressed on his spine. Now the only thing I need is hope, that we won’t have metastasis and the tumor won’t grow again in the same place. We’re still waiting for histopathological findings of the removed organic tissue. Then we’ll know for sure what type of cancer it is.

Our long weekend is really nice. Spontaneously we decide to make a short trip to Toruń and Bydgoszcz cities. The best thing in that trip was, that I learned about it when we left Warsaw. My husband wake me up on Friday morning and told me, that we have to go. He took my bag and told me, that he packed everything, what we need. And he was ready to go. Honestly, I was pretty sure, that we’re going to have a picnic in Kabaty forest or near the Zegrzyńskie lake… ;)
And instead of this we went to Toruń for one day, we spent a night in exclusive hotel, another one day we went to Bydgoszcz, and the same day we returned home :) Both cities are very nice and tranquil. Going there you have the impression, that people never rush, you feel calmness and relaxation. This is the charm of small cities. The only one thing which bothered me was sweltering heat. But if I’m right in whole Poland we had really high temperatures.

Today it was also too hot… We’re staying at home and waiting for the evening. We can go for a walk at least after 6:30pm... My cats are also lying without strength to anything. They just moving from one place to another. They have no appetite. Water in their bowls are disappearing so fast and unnoticed like it would evaporate. Actually - I feel exactly like they… Pregnancy and high temperatures don’t fit together. I’m lethargic more than usual and I have permanently swollen legs… :( But I’m sure my baby will compensate me those inconveniences soon :) At the end of the month I’m going to have ultrasound examination, this time I’ll know if its a boy or a girl! At the present day I only feel gentle tickling inside of my belly :)


Days pass one by one...

Again I don’t have time for anything… I’m writing here rarely again. I've got a lot to deal with right now. My master’s thesis isn’t going well - my promoter constantly searching for mistakes, even when she applied something once. Additionally I got some remote work - I think I like it. It’s very important to like your profession. And also I’m constantly monitored by doctors - gynecologists, cardiologist, pacemaker control point, medical researches… This is tiring and I have no time to rest.

Additionally I got one more reason to worry - my mums cat (the same one which spent all my childhood with me) suddenly fell ill. He has malignant neoplasm. There are no metastases yet, but we can’t never predict what will be next. For now we have a vet appointment on Wednesday, if the blood tests are good, he’ll have surgery. Please, keep your fingers crossed, it’s really cute and calm cat. He didn’t deserve it. I completely can’t handle this situation :(

Our May Day picnic in Poznań was really nice - I could rest and don’t think about studying. Physically this trip was tiring - the most, because I like long walks and now (when I’m pregnant) I could sleep whole hour :) But in spite of fatigue I don’t regret, that we went there. Poznań is really beautiful city, the most often it’s not appreciated. It’s really worth to see, but I can’t recommend to eat in restaurants on the old town. Very poor service and the quality of dishes is too weak compared to prices… But if you go a few blocks away, you can find really good restaurants and cafeterias.

Apart from that nothing new with me. Day like everyday, sometimes sun, sometimes rain. I have some responsibilities, my health is still a roller-coaster but i think it’s little bit better than earlier. I slowly return to self-reliance, I’m cooking again, because smells don’t disturb me as much as earlier. Everything slowly goes back to normal :)


Shortly a little bit of everything

My problem with attestation of indications for caesarean section is resolved now. I got it, but I had to talk with the cardiologist, which screwed ablation up. Now I feel, that I’m safe :)

Now I'm doing everything I can to get my master's degree before all exams will start. My thesis is almost done, it has to go through the final verification of my promoter. It could be hard, cause she likes to mark all document with red color ;) But I hope, that it won’t be so bad. My thesis is quite short, but it’s not a big problem. I really don’t know how I’m going to defend my master's thesis, because I don’t feel like a specialist in this - I just wrote it, because I had a great bibliography. But I hope that no one will refuse me to get a credit, because of my visible pregnancy ;) Especially, that I’m officially saying, that I’m not going to be a PhD...

I’m trying to get earlier graduation. I have a pre-consent, but I still have to talk with one lecturer. Generally they want to meet me halfway. But I don’t know the rules of it yet.

My heart problems: every medical test seems ok, but sometimes I don’t feel good. I’m trying not to plan anything for long time before, because I can’t predict how I’ll feel that time. Sometimes how I’m feeling changes so much in one hour, that I have to cancel all my plans. The worst is with university activities, because there are some lectures and exercises, which are compulsory.

We would like to visit Poznań city in May Day picnic. I really don’t know if we’ll go. I don’t know how to plan everything. All in all, we can always cancel hotel booking and return train tickets...


Actually, this is Poland...

Ironically I’m writing in April Fool's Day, but my note isn’t a joke. Unless you’ll treat as a joke about our polish public health service. That would be right... Why am I complaining about NFZ? Because I got divergent informations from every person. Today I spent 1,5 hours in hospital and I didn’t get anything done. It began 2 years ago, when I was leaving hospital (after I spent the whole month there), when cardiologists told me, that if I ever be pregnant, my child can’t be born naturally, cause my heart can’t stand it. Caesarean section is the only way to born a baby. It’s ok for me, I’m not afraid of surgery, it’s almost routine intervention. What did I find out today? So no one will write me attestation of indications for surgery, because no one has reference to do this...

In the pacemaker control point the doctor told me, that he’s actually not a cardiologist just a technician (he’s still making his specialization), so he can’t write it to me. Ok, I understand it, he still didn’t work out enough hours to get this title. But there is a lot of cardiologists in this hospital, which are taking care of people with the devices for electrostimulation of the heart, so he can call to somebody.

First he decided to call to ablation team (the same one, which made me my ablation). What was the answer? Ohh, they won’t give this attestation, cause first - they cured me (no more tachycardia, no more arrhythmia, no more pulse above 250 bpm and also no more additional conductive path; secondly after the ablation the peacemaker team took me (because after ablation I had atrioventricular block - it means, that between heart atrium and heart ventricle is no conduction, what led to cardiac arrest). So according to ablation team - every decision about the further course of treatment and any attestations which I need should be written by peacemaker team.

After that he called to peacemaker team and what did he heard? Well, peacemaker is not an indication to caesarean section (because peacemaker makes me cured, that’s the only reason why I can function normally. So they won’t write me anything. They told, that an indications for surgery could be paroxysmal atrioventricular block, so I can’t born my child naturally. They told me to call to the ablation team.

It’s a vicious circle, because no one wants to bear the consequences, no one wants to sign any paper. I don’t really know what are they afraid of… Anyway - I’ll either born my baby naturally and risk to die or I’ll pay a lot of money for caesarean section for request… Because I can’t rather count on my gynecologist, because he doesn’t know anything about my heart problems. He needs specific informations from my cardiologists.

It’s paranoia… I don’t have the strength to write about it anymore, maybe in a few days...

To improve my mood I’m sharing with you Purka's photo.


Little mole, challah with tomato sauce, purrs and a little bit of summer

Today I’ll write about little bit of everything (+ photos) - It’ll be a long note (but I hope not boring). Lately a lot of things are happening and I’m not expecting, that it’ll change. Generally there are positive changes, they mobilise me and doesn’t let me to get bored.

“Prague is so beautiful, Prague is cute, you’ll surely love Prague and you won’t want to come back!” - that was the opinion of most of people, which I asked about the Prague. And nothing. Ok - the city is indeed really nice. It wasn’t destroyed during the second world war as much as Warsaw. There are a lot of climatic places, little streets, charming tenements… But to be in love and don’t want to come back? No way! I really wanted to go back home! We saw everything which was interesting and on the fourth day we didn’t know what else to do in Prague. It’s possible, that if we had a driving license and a car we would see something more around Prague. Whereas we had to count on public transport, so we didn’t have many options. We just made one day trip to Brno - Czech Republic’s small student city. We were surprised by really low prices of everything - dinner, jewelry, beer… More than half cheaper than in Prague. And the Prague also isn’t expensive city. Czechs - the most of them are nice, but completely absent-minded… and they didn’t speak english! I understand if we would talk about elderly people - they don’t have to know english - it wasn’t very popular to learn it when they were young… But in tourist shops, restaurants, railway station and even on the airport (!!) it was easier to speak in polish with them than in english! It’s real comedy! Czech dishes - I think it depends where you’re going to eat. All restaurants close to the old town are expensive and not very good. They don’t have high rating, but a lot of people come there - it’s frequent meeting place. It’s understandable for me - it’s the same in Warsaw on our old town. But if you want to try something really tasty, you have to go away of city centre. Restaurants (the most of them are really small) with diverse dishes, food is aromatic and well seasoned. Prices are most often lower than in city centre, but you can feel it in bigger order. I highly recommend a cat cafe. They have quite nice tea and really delicious banana and caramel cake! And there are 7 cute cats, which accompany the cafe guests!! They love when people pet them and they purr. It was a paradise for me :) To sum up whole Prague trip: if you have never been there, it’s worth to see, but you should spend there no more than 5 days. After all you shouldn’t anticipate anything special, cause you’ll be disappointed. I think it was my mistake, that I focused on friends opinions.

At the beginning of the month I realised, that it’s hard to make exercises at home - always I make everything else not gym. Homework, studying, laundry, ironing, too late - every excuse is good. That’s why me and my mum decided to go to fitness club for some organised exercises. We chose pilates with exercises on a huge balls. We took with us one of my mum’s friend. I really liked these sports. The coach is really nice, she’s good on her field, exercises were quite hard - I felt every muscle one day after workout. But now I’ll have to leave the exercises, cause there are more important things now. We have been trying for a long time and we did it! I’m pregnant! Now it’s the 5th week. So I can’t continue pilates, but I heard that there are some exercises exactly for pregnant women. I like sport, so I think I can try to find some activities for me. I’ll try not to write about pregnancy and babies here too often. I know, that it could be annoying for people, who don’t concer. Especially when someone is reading some blog for long time and suddenly baby appear! And till this time whole blog is one big baby guide - how to be a good mum + testing baby products - baby food, diapers, cosmetics etc… I also don’t like it. I think I won’t go crazy so much, but you have to understand, that pregnancy is important for me, so sometimes I’m going to write something about it.

i’m going to change a subject - we are finally a temporary home for a cat! The homeless cat will stay with us until he find his own home. We’ve made our decision some time ago, but just yesterday the cat was brought to us. It’s small tabby cat. We have no idea how old is he, even vet in shelter couldn’t estimate it. Probably we’ll go with him to our vet soon, we should make vaccinations, but we still have to wait. I’m pretty sure, that all this situation was stressful for him. I don’t want to add him another one stress. He’s really nice, he certainly had a home. It’s amazing, how much he loves humans, although he was just thrown out like a rubbish. We don’t know exactly why, we can only suspect the reason. Suddenly he appeared in group of free-living cats and he completely didn’t know how to behave. The feeder realised really fast, that he’s new, and she saw, that he has problems with eating. Actually… he didn’t eat anything. He’s ex-family didn’t bother to go to vet when he was sick. It was easier to get rid of him. The only one thing to cure was gingivitis. When he was on the street he got more diseases. He was caught by the charity organisation, he was cured and he came to us. When we talk or even look at him he purrs and he kneads everything with his paws <3

I forgot to brag - we moved to another flat again. We rented a studio in Ursynów district. We’re really close to underground station. Living on Mokotów district was nice, but it was hard to find another one flat nearby with similar price, with acceptable standard and with pets allowed. Unfortunately we had to move from flat we were living before, because our neighbour living below us was horrible. He was original chav (wearing the Addidas tracksuit). It was his life purpose to force every people, who come there to live to leave this flat. Some day, when he was drunk he to told me, that he was taking care the elderly woman, which was living there since he remember. He hoped, that she’ll rewrite him this flat in her will or in the last resort he’ll get preemption. Her family didn’t take care of her, but he didn’t get this flat anyway. Someone else bought the flat and he stayed with nothing. I really don’t know how it’ll look like in future, but I think the owner will have a lot of problems with that guy. You know, I don’t want to be stressed all the time, it could be dangerous for pregnant woman. Moving out was a good choice, now I can rest in the home, sleep in the nights and I don’t have to be afraid of some idiot. This new apartment is sunny, pets are not a problem for the owner, and it was available immediately.

Yes, I know that my note is long, but I wanted to add something about our holidays plans. Actually I don’t know if it succeed, it depends how I’m going to feel (it’ll be second trimester, so it probably will be hard to travel with huge belly). But we would like to travel to few cities in Europe. When we were in Prague I realised, that there are a lot of good connections between cities. For example: we could travel from Prague to Vienna in less than 4 hours. I probably we would do this, unless we find out too late. That’s why we plan only one step forward. We would like to go Berlin-Amsterdam-Brussel-Paris-Venice-Roma. And maybe something in our way back. I prefer to avoid planes when I’m pregnant, I’m afraid of change of pressure. Otherwise I like to travel by train since I was a child, I don’t know why. I don’t know if we could go, but if not, we can go next time. I can also spend 2 weeks near the Baltic sea. The most important is who are you travel with, not where you’re going :)