Roaster August

I didn’t have a lot of time for writing. Actually I have no time for computer now. The most things I need I can make with my phone - I think it’s positive, because I can manage my time in a better way. After our 2 week holidays I realised, that I have a lot of appointments and medical tests. When I come back home from doctors (especially, when it’s as hot as today), believe me - I'm exhausted and I have no power to anything.
In those worst days we to deal with high temperatures only because of cold shower, fan and with loads of mineral water. Even my cats had nothing against soaking their fur with damp cloth - they lined up and waited for their turn... :)
They were glad to use such a innovation - wet cloth lying on the floor - they were lying on it until it dried up. I also had to changed them a water (to drink) every 2-3 hours (sometimes I added few ice cubes to make the water cold)... And we’re still alive ;) Thanks God, that those high temperature days finally elapsed, I can fully breath now...



Now we have some troubles at my husband work (or maybe I should tell ex-work). I don’t want to write too much about the situation, which took place, because it doesn’t concern me directly (but still it makes me worried). But I believe it will be better soon, changing jobs should resolve the problem. 

I’m also intensely looking for a job. Pregnancy isn’t any limit for me. Until I’ve born my baby I can work in the office, after this I can work remotely and sometimes come to office for 2-3 hours. I am really organized, I always meet the deadlines. I'm sure I can handle it. I had full-time studies for last 2 years, I also had a few projects in the same time. I had never any problems with a lot of duties and I always finished it on time. So why couldn’t I reconcile working with maternity leave? I had a few job interviews, but still I wasn’t employed anywhere. My belly is like device to scare away all potential employers (even if I speak out about my organizational skills). I don’t understand why nobody wants to give me a chance, they always have trial contract at the beginning... Polish realities… I’m thinking a lot of about to go abroad, probably I’ll have better opportunities to get a job… But I’m not sure if I want to, sometimes I feel like a coward.

I’m worried about that I’m still at home - not working, I’m just a housewife. I don’t like it, I feel terrible with it. I don’t want to be judged in future by my daughter “mom is bawling out at home and daddy is working very hard… I feel totally useless and unrecognized. Earlier I was disqualified because of studies, now because of pregnancy. I’m afraid, that my daughter won’t want to have lame duck mother :( Every daughter wants to have a mom, who’ll be her authority. And I feel I’m not. I’m without any job, and without any prospects for it. I’m also spitfire, so it’s very easy to make me mad and also it’s easy for me to break down. Especially when everything rough going. I’m so tired of eternal job hunt and wasting my time at another job interview (which gives me nothing). Ok, I know that no job is a shame, but I really don’t want to work in a store. I dream to develop and have friendly team, to have some opportunities and perspectives… I want a little more out of life than the most of people. Do I expect too much? Ahh… maybe I should stop grumbling now...

My art spirit turn into big sewing event :) I made 3 blankets for Maja and a plush whale. I also made a lot of masCATs, which Koteria is going to sell on charity auctions. Probably some of them they’re going to sell in Kafka picnic and on fenology shows (Koteria and a lot of charity organisations have stands there). Sometimes I like to sew a lot of things, it makes me happy.


0 comments: