Pre-holidays grumbling

I begin my holidays this Saturday. This year our holiday time is divided in a few trips, little bit here and little bit there. Instead of one long trip we organised a few shorter. That’s easier for our cats, because they don’t like to stay without me for too long. And I also don’t like leaving them...

This trip is girly trip of 3 generations - me, my mum and my daughter :) Direction - Wrocław! I was there few years ago and I fall in love with this city. It has charming atmosphere and happy people. We’re going to relax and visit my favourite milkshake cafe- shakewave! :) We’re going to try to contact and visit our further family, which lives in Wroclaw and nearby the city. My mom knows them, but I don’t.
Some time ago everyone chose his way and moved for different city. We didn’t keep in touch and my generation (me and my cousins and their kids) never met. I think it’s good time to renew the contacts.
Now I miss with people so much contact. Actually my friends are ignoring me. There was a lot of promises of meeting, but everyone canceled at the last moment...
One of them promised that we’ll meet some day, but she keeps coming up with more excuses; second one canceled our meeting 1 hour before, because she changed her plans and now she doesn’t answer my messages (but I see, that she red them); another one couldn’t meet because something, and another one is really busy now and she doesn’t know how to reconcile all her duties... And few days later I learn, that first, second and fifth one went for shopping and coffee or organised party, but they forgot about me… I used to always go to parties, but it was in the past… And now is now… everything changed…
It keeps on going for 7-8 months already…
I really don’t understand, I’m not tied with a string to Maja, she can stay with her dad or grandma - really I can have free evening!
And Maja also will be happy, when she will spend the evening with daddy or granny (and more: I can guarantee that this second person also will be happy!)
I don’t know what happened, why am I invisible/undesirable in company? It raises the level of my frustration, sometimes I feel like locked in a cage… And the worst part is, that I even don’t know why all this happened, I’m still the same, I didn’t turn into an ork, spikes and horns didn’t sprout on my back...

It was a really nice, when our friends invited us for their party! I was surprised that they called us, because last time we didn’t keep in touch.
It was like detachment from reality. It was typical house party, where everyone sit on the sofa and drink beer. Some sandwiches, loud music and a party game - Jungle Speed. Nothing special, but I really had a lot of fun!

I think I shouldn’t care about people, who gave me the brush-off… It makes no sense to strive for somebody, who doesn’t want it. I’m not going to make them feel guilty, because they want to refuse me, but they don’t know how because (what the irony) they don’t want to hurt me.
I think I would prefer to hear “I don’t want to be in touch with you, just leave me alone”...But it’s not people’s strong suit to say something without beating around the bush...

I tried to make new contacts, but it goes with great difficulty. I got discouraged a little bit, because everytime when I go to the playground with Maja I see the same moms. But they don’t want to talk with other moms, they just run with their kids and they’re irritated, when Maja will take some toy to play with it (and also they force their kids not to touch Maja’s toys, even if Maja lets them). Sometimes they can talk with me for 5 minutes negligently. And they can talk only about kids, nurseries, diapers and all these kids stuff.
Last time we were in the park, strange situation happened to me. I talked with one mum longer (and what was nice no babies topics), I proposed that we can share our phone numbers, meet someday for coffee or even on the playground… She looked at me as if a rainbow horn grew up on my forehead and she completely ignored my question. And now when she sees me around the playground she runs away… I really don’t know what’s wrong with people. It sounds like a low budget comedy...

I hope, that when I’ll return to work my social life will bloom again. I really regret that contacts from the university (second degree) and from junior high school are broken, but probably it was supposed to be like this. It’s no use crying over spilt milk. I have to go ahead with a raised head. It will be good, it has to be.
In October everything will change for better. When Maja will be in day care I’ll find a job. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to change profession… I’m still not sure if I really want this. I have to think about it, maybe I should try, I have nothing to lose for now...

We’re planning more kids in the future, but I need firstly: doctor's approval, secondly: constant employment (or my own economic activity) and thirdly: a lot of energy.

I really try to be positive, but I’m not always strong enough for this. Sometimes I’m tired of the lack of action.
I was always very brisk person, I was always around! And now when I had to slow down - it’s also some experience for me - but I’m not thrilled of this situation.
I think people don’t like changes, it’s human nature… The older you get, the harder it is to adjust to something new.

And at the end I want to share with you a few photos of my fur friends and the movie, which I promised you for looong time - it’s the quiet book which I sew for Maja ;)









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