Purr Inside Of Me

And lately also snow.

I don’t like winter, if it would be possible, I would like to hibernate through winter like a bear. White snow is really beautiful, but for me only on the pictures. The only one thing which I like in wintertime is possibility to spend evenings under the blanket with cats, book and cocoa, and I also like Christmas time.

But this year I feel anxious when I think about christmas eve; I’m not really happy about how these Christmas are going to look like. Not everything is like I wanted it.

Recently I realised, that I critically evaluate people around me. I can’t stop thinking negatively. Barbara is lazy-bones, she is 27 years old and she has never worked before (but she finished high school and didn’t go to the university); Kate offload on the facebook and she thinks that she’s cool because of this; Edyta praises herself, that after she broke up with John she’s happy again, she’s sharing a lot of photos with a lot of guys to prove, that she can get everyone (and she’s still sad because of John); Beata floods social channels with her kids photos - Royalty, Blanket and Destiny (at least 5 pictures of each , she probably thinks that she’s a hero because she has babies… [all names are changed].
I can count on the fingers of one hand people, whom I value. Ok, maybe there is more than 5, but still a not too much.

But don’t think about me like a nitpicker - I see even more defects in myself; a lot of which I don’t know how to repair, some of them beyond me and also few of them are part of me and I’m not going to do anything about it. And this all combines into one - I don’t like and accept myself.

I realised, that I don’t trust anyone. I’m not sure what is the truth and what is not. Even if someone lies to me about something really stupid (which doesn’t matter after few weeks), it’s hard to me to trust after that - especially in about important things. I don’t know what is wrong: was I naive in the past or am I picking holes now?

It’s funny how easy is to break contact with someone, who was a friend in the past, someone who always helped while we were studying. Just from day to day - one day friends, another one a strangers. I know, everybody has his own life, own business, own problems… But I feel sorry, when I know, that someone, who I like doesn’t care about me anymore.

What about my changing profession? I’m coding, trying, making my own projects… still no employment. I made a few recruitment projects, I’m still waiting for the answer from one company. I feel that I did well.

A few days ago I had an annual pacemaker control. They noticed tachycardia again… last time I had it 4 years ago. These are quite regular episodes, which fortunately don’t qualify me for another one ablation neither to the electrophysiological examination. But I don’t know how it’ll look like for a half of year, or 5 years. I also don’t know is it something new or renewed? And maybe it was there for 4 years, but they haven’t seen it before? My ablation was quite extensive, so it’s not hard to miss something.

I’ve been sick for 2 weeks. I got some mean virus, which gives me tiring cough, full sinus and low tolerance for activities - I’m tired when I go upstairs to the 3rd floor. I got antibiotic inhaled steroid but it helped for 2 days. I hope that I’ll be healthy till the Friday, cause we’re going to Berlin.

I’ve never been in Germany before. We’re going to relax more than visiting; we want to see only those main touristic and most important places in Berlin. I can’t wait to go to the christmas markets (which are supposedly the best in whole Europe).

And I also want to eat german ‘wurst’ (sausage) - everyone tell that they’re also the best in Europe! ;)

Throw those 3 days we’re not going to use our healthy diet. But it’s ok, since November year ago I lost 18 kg. I still don’t know if I can fit in my beautiful black dress (I’m afraid of trying), but I have whole December to lose more weight ;)

Keep your fingers crossed, especially that because of this stupid illness I had to resign of the gym and swimming pool :(

This year I bought my St. Nicholas’ Day gift myself. It was sent little bit earlier, but I enjoy it! I feel so purry now :) Everything is handmade - I ordered it on etsy.

To improve my mood I started making DIY things again. I made a few christmas gifts for my family, but I can’t share them here, because I don’t want to spoil any surprises (I’m not sure who is reading my blog). But I can show you chimney scarfs which I made for our secret santa exchange. It’s made with jersey fabrics and I feel that I have to order more fabric like this. It’s easy to work with it and a final product is nice :)

I also made my first ombre manicure. I used a small sponge to paint it, but I want to try also ombre with airbrush. My husband has airbrush to paint his Warhammer sculptures and I have to admit, that it’s cool stuff! I’ll share the effects with you, when I’ll finally try.

I made first preparations for Christmas. We hang christmas lamps inside and on balcony. We also bought a cotton balls. It all looks charming.

I think I would like to try to make my own cotton balls. I started ordering all products and we’ll make it together with Adam, when we come back from Berlin. It’ll be a substitute of tradition, which we had with my brothers when we were a kids - we made a lot of christmas ornaments by hand. It was a great time, sometimes I miss it.

We still don’t have a christmas tree, but I saw that there are already being sold. We’ll get it when we’ll come back from our german trip. This year we’re going to buy a small christmas tree, which will stand on the fridge. It’ll be safer, because I feel that everyone will be curious of this (cats and Maja). We always use plastic ornaments because of a cats, but I’m also afraid, that Maja would bite lamps (she still takes all new things into her mouth), she can also swallow some small elements… So, higher is better :)

Everyday Maja gains new skills, now she can open a box with cat’s crisps. Cats aren’t delighted, because ‘small, bald-headed and screaming’ is going to eat their food, when I won’t notice… :)

This year we had our first walk on the Old Town. Streets are (as always in winter time) beautiful lighted, christmas tree is even more beautiful than last year. It’s cold like always :)
We drunk hot lette and visited christmas market. On the market every year is the same trash, nothin new and unique. I can’t recommend this christmas market, but if you’re going to visit Warsaw one day you should go on the Old Town to see those wonderful ornaments on the Krakowskie Przedmieście Street :)