Purr Inside Of Me

Today I’m going to write about Hedwiga only.
Do you know what day is today? Well, it’s an adoption day! Yes, it’s been a year since she joined us! Believe me or not but she’s not the same cat as then.



How it all began…
She’s appeared in the sanctuary without any notice. She was found not very sick, not very neglected - just before frost appeared. She was socialized for a while in the cage, but she was quickly released to other cats.
She was brave, curious, willing to play with the others and… she was always fighting for food.
All the cats staying in the main room eat together. Sometimes we put the canned food to the 3-4 large plates and few cats are eating from the one plate at the same time.
Hedwiga always needed a separated bowl with the food. She was stressed when any cat came close to her food; she was hissing and snarling then.
Her plate had to stay a little further from the others.

She liked cuddling but… after a few minutes or so she usually started to bite really hard. She was hissing and put her ears down. She was frightened and she couldn’t handle it. The only way she could chill out was to stay aggressive.



We both realized that we like each other. We’re both buffeted by life; we both have some traumas which we need to deal with. I think it lets us become close.
While I was working in the sanctuary, Hedwiga was usually with me. She was checking what I’m doing at the moment, sometimes I had to hold her for a few hours.
When I was too tired to carry her, she was spinning around my legs and asking for cuddles.

“I’m here for you, and you’re here for me”
I’ve made a decision very fast - we’re close; we’re too close to be able to lose each other one day. And we can no longer lie to ourselves that one day we’ll forget each other.


I was really surprised by how fast I’ve encouraged Adam to take another cat. Well, I was pretty sure that I’ll have to make a huge battle with him.
Maja had to visit sanctuary before we took her - just to check if she accepts kids. They were both playing, so I could take Hedwiga home.
After we’ve socialized all the cats I could sign the final contract - she was officially mine! <3

Her last day in the sanctuary shocked me. It was Wednesday - my duty day at the sanctuary. I’ve taken a carry box with me; I left it on the floor and… Hedwiga appeared inside after a few seconds. She was staying there for the whole evening, she only left it for a few minutes to eat supper. She wasn’t accompanying me that day. She was waiting to take her home. I think she felt it. Or she was afraid that I’ll leave without her.

During the way back home she was calm, sometimes she was meowing. I was talking to her all the time. I told her about our home, about cats and other stuff.

Bathroom cat
At the beginning, we had to make the socialization by the isolation. Hedwiga stayed in the large bathroom. I’ve taken all the useless stuff from there to let her use more space. She got all the cats stuff inside - the litter box, few soft blankets and a box (in case she prefer to hide), etc.
While staying there alone, she was asking for attention all the time! Even if she didn’t want to be cuddled at the moment. She just wanted someone’s presence.
She also learned that the shower is cool - it’s surprising to me, but she likes to walk in the wet shower. She even doesn’t care about the warm water dropping at her.
Well, socialization lasted 2 weeks. After this time she could stay wherever she wanted.


During the socialization time, all the residents were highly interested in “the one on the other side of the door”.
Misio entered the bathroom a few times, he was fast and unnoticeable! The new cat hasn’t impressed him, he actually ignored that there is someone new in the bathroom. He was sneaking there to spend more time with me…
Misio is very tolerant and not many things can impress him. Even when he saw my daughter for the first time he didn’t even care about it.

Our first month together
My resident girls weren’t amazed by a new one. approached distrustfully and warily while maintaining a safe distance.
Hedwiga is a cat kid, she’s full of energy, she was hunting everything - no matter if it was moving or not. And my two 6 years old ladies, who prefer to stay on the sofa… well, sometimes they want to play too, but not for so long and not that fast. The new girl was too fast and too crazy for them.

Hedwiga is such an inquisitive cat - she has to check everything, she needs to sneak everywhere and try everything.



We were both learning ourselves. She had to accept my schedule and daily rhythm. She also had to show me what things she accepts, where are the borders and which of them I can try to extend.



Fears and monsters from the past
I haven’t seen all of them while she was living in the sanctuary. She dared to show them after she moved home. Sometimes she was panicking.
She loved to be carried and cuddled, but after a short while, she always started to bite severely. She was so looped on biting that she couldn’t stop.
The most important was… to let her do this. After a long while, when she forgot about the stress I could easily release my hand. If I was taking my hand by force she was snarling more and biting even harder. That wasn’t the best solution for her damaged soul.

Like almost all of the domestic cats, Hedwiga realized very quickly, that lying on the human’s items is fun. It doesn’t matter what kind of stuff I was making at the moment - she was always coming to me and taking place in the middle of everything.



Of course, I haven’t taken any things lying directly under her butt, but I realized that she gets the panic attack even if I’m reaching the stuff which stays close to her.
She started to bite without any warning (I mean - usually cats show us their nervousness and stress, their body language is very clear).
When she was acting like this I usually called her “My little sawmill” ;)


Calmness, love and being consistent
This is what brought positive effects.
First of all, Hedwiga learned that we never punish her for biting us.
No one wanted to scare her, we didn’t touch her when she was sleeping, or when she didn’t see us. We were talking to her first, and after her reaction, we could let her sniff the hand (it’s like saying “hello” for cats), after these we could start to pet her. Without these steps, she didn’t like to be touched.
When she started to bite while lying on my laps I was just taking her off gently. She learned, that she can just go when she’s tired of cuddling, hugging or just sleeping on me.
She was bitting less and less often, she also stopped to attack a hand while taking some items lying close to her.
But still she had some moments when the panic attack was appearing; she was holding my hand very strong, snarling very loud and biting.
I started to hug her softly, whisper to her ear, that we love her and she doesn’t have to be scared anymore. Sometimes I was humming her some calm melody. It was the bull's eye!
Hedwiga could calm down very fast.
During the first few months after she cools down, she was running away, after some time… she started to lick my hands.


I see her lying belly up more and more often. At the beginning I couldn’t touch her cute belly, she didn’t allow me to do that. Now, sometimes I can cuddle her gently.


She also let me touch her without sniffing my hand before. She doesn’t care even when she’s sleeping. She’s more relaxed and open. She also shows where she wants to be cuddled at the moment ;)
Sometimes when she’s sleeping I like to hug my face to her back. I’m not afraid she’ll hurt me anymore. I realized that she stays mild while my face is close. Even if she’s biting my hand at the moment, I know I can bring my face close to her. I can trust her. She always stops bite my hand to be able to lick my forehead.
You probably wonder how exactly I realized that Hedwiga is ready for hugging her.
Well, it’s not very complicated, I just felt it. I love my cats with the whole heart. I love to hug them!
When I was working at home I had to take some breaks to not to get crazy. There was nothing more energizing than spend 10-15 minutes with cats.
Once when I was lying with some other cat I realized, that Hedwiga is staring at me. Then she started to follow me to check what I’m doing every time I left a computer. Then I realized she also wants to try hugging. And it worked! :)



Also during the night, she’s more tranquil than before.
Well, she’s been sleeping with me since she has ended her socialization.
She usually lies somewhere close to my legs. At the beginning she didn’t want to touch anyone, now she prefers to hug.
Also, I’m always changing my sleeping position many times during the night. At the beginning, Hedwiga was stressed after I’ve moved a bit. She was attacking a quilt and snarling. I decided to ignore it. She quickly realized that there is nothing to worry about and now she doesn’t care about my wriggling. She usually sleeps with me for the whole night.

She still panics while her paw gets caught on something. Very often she can’t untangle by herself. I always let her try on her own first; I only come with the support when she starts to snarl or hiss and writhe around in dread.
At the beginning, I’ve always had wounds on my hands - she was biting with powerlessness.
We’re still working on it, but I can see a major difference between Hedwiga now and a year ago.
Now when she needs my help, I’m carrying her and hugging gently. Then she let me hold her path stronger to release her claw.
Recently she didn’t even try to bit me! I don’t know what you think about this, but for me, it’s a great success!

“You’ll never be starving anymore”
This is one of the things she’s heard while going home.
Actually, I’ve told her many things then; some of them were important, some of them were just a chatter. I think my voice (she knew it well) let her stay calm during the ride.
Well, I was surprised, but she accepts a BARF food from the first day. I was pretty sure she’ll need more time for changing her eating habits.
The first few days she was eating alone in the bathroom. Later I gave her a meal close to the door, my residents were eating their meals on the other side. After the socialization has come to the end her phobia has returned - she didn’t want to eat close to others.
But she realized really fast, that sometimes when we’re eating some meat, we share some small pieces with cats. She started to come around with others to get something from us. She started to eat close to my cats and she realized that it’s fine. I never let her stay hungry.
So at the moment, all the cats are eating close to each other. Everyone has a separate plate, but all the plates are staying next to each other.

“Don’t be afraid, I’ll never abandon you”
Hedwiga doesn’t like the sanctuary’s odor. To be honest, she stopped to hide from me (smelling with that place) around 2-3 weeks ago.
But I’m a volunteer, I’m not going to resign from it. Volunteering heals my soul, I love it. Hedwiga had to get used to it.
For the first half-year, she’s been hiding from me after I’ve returned from the sanctuary.
She was avoiding me and biting. She was still wary after I took the shower, but she could relax after over a dozen minutes.
After the first few months, she’s learned that I smell with the sanctuary once per week and she stopped hiding but still she was staying away from me.
And one day finally I realized that she’s not running away from me anymore! She’s greeting me close to the front door while I’m coming in! Sometimes she wants to wash my “stinky with the sanctuary hands” :D
I’m pretty sure she was afraid of returning there. She didn’t feel good in the sanctuary, despite that, we provide really comfy living conditions there. We take care of the cats, but still, it’s not the real home. No “my own human and my own pillow” and totally different daily schedules.
Of course, we love the cats living there, we cuddle them and spend our time with them. But it’s a different type of love. We’re just aunties…
We’re not spending nights with them, they don’t know the lazy mornings. They can’t accompany during the morning coffee, everyday household chores or pleasures.
No baking cookies together, no decorating a Christmas Tree.
Even the most loving auntie will never substitute meowmy.


Hedwiga vs other cats
It depends on when and with whom.
Misio is the most friendly cat in our home. He accepts and loves everyone no matter what.
He didn’t seem to be surprised when he saw Hedwiga for the first time.


When he’s in the mood they’re chasing each other. When he doesn’t want to play with the kiddo and she’s too annoying, he usually screams loudly. It sounds really funny sometimes.
Misio has tried to lick Hedwiga a few times, but she seems to not to understand the purpose of it. I hope one day she’ll learn that washing each other is fun :)
Relations with Purka are not perfect. From the beginning, she had a negative approach to the new one. She’s treated Hedwiga as an intruder who suddenly has appeared on her territory. I think both girls had worked through the problem somehow; Purka usually needs more time to accept major changes. For now, she ignores Hedwiga when she’s calm, sometimes she sniffs her. When Hedwiga is getting crazy, she usually loses her patience and hisses at her.
In 99% of cases Hedwiga retreats.


Hedwiga and Amaya… I feel it’s kind of tough love between girls. Hedwiga respects Amaya and sometimes she bypasses her over a long distance.
Sometimes Amaya attacks Hedwiga without any reason - at least I can’t see the reason. But at once I’ve seen them playing together many times. They’re chasing each other; sometimes they’re running so loud like a herd of elephants, haha!


It’s been a year since we’re together, but Hedwiga still doesn’t want to sleep hugged to the other cats. If she did it for a few times, it was by accident (she hasn’t noticed others' presence). But there’s not a problem to sleep close to the others.


Well, she’s still learning how to function in the cats' society, she’s getting better and better every single day. That’s why I feel, one day she’ll learn that sleeping together with other cats is a pleasure.

Hedwiga vs human
She’s talkative, joyous and she asks for the attention.


She really often wants to be carried and she loves to spend her time on my or my husband’s laps. It’s very important for her to feel someone’s presence. Even if she doesn’t need physical contact with a human at the moment, she prefers to stay in the same room as we do.



She’s curious, she always wants to take part in all the activities we manage. She’s not afraid of making mischief (what’s really positive I think).


She trusts us, but still, there are some borders, we have to accept and respect.
She’s not purring a lot, but I feel she needs to learn it. I’m glad, that sometimes it happens, but not very often.
As I’ve written above, she needs to learn a lot, but I’m sure we’re closer than ever before. We’re working with her all the time to help her to defeat all the mental issues she has. I know that fighting with your own monsters is really hard work, but I believe we can do this together.
I’ll always be here for her, and she knows it :)