Purr Inside Of Me

I can’t guess why do I feel like that. Is it just the weather and the pressure changes, or maybe it’s a battle of my hidden coward with the person who finally started to make some decisions and is slowly, but obstinately going ahead.
For whatever reason - I’m tired of this constant mood swings and insomnia.
I hope that one day it’ll become settled and I’ll be able to say with full sincerity, that I’m happy, fulfilled and smug.
Actually, I feel, that it’ll happen soon, but at once some part of me denies it and tries to convince me, that I’m walking on thin ice. I have no idea which part of me I should trust to. Is it wise to be sure that everything will be ok and I’ll be finally walking through the path paved with roses. I’m not sure if it’s working like this. Ok, maybe someone was born under a lucky star and his life seems to be easy, but it never happened to me before!
I started to write poems again. To be honest - I’m not sure if it’s positive news. Last time when I was doing this I had depressive states, which I couldn’t easily defeat.
Of course, it doesn’t mean that the history will repeat itself again, but I just don’t feel comfortable with the past.
I started writing my poems in the totally different notebook, to be able to cut off from what was in the past. I rewrote only these poems, which fits me at the moment.
Writing poems helps me to clean up this mess in my head.

But let’s change the subject.
I think I’ve written about it before, but I’ve changed my job in May. I need to take a rest from coding, I actually don’t like it and I really need to finally find myself in this world. For now, I’m trying new things, just to be able to check which environment is friendly for me. I have no idea what else will happen in the future or what I’m going to do in next 1, 2 and 5 months. I’m open to new ideas and I feel one of them is calling me louder than others.
So I’ll try to make it happen, I’m moving there very slowly but persistently. Who knows, maybe somewhere in the way, I’ll decide to change my direction?
I’m working in the gastronomy section right now. No, it’s not a mistake, I decided to change my well-paid job in IT for the chain coffee shop where my salary is not even enough to cover my rental monthly payment. Because I can, I want to and I really need to make it right now. Not in a month or a year - just now.
And I can return to coding whenever I want to. It’s still a programmers’ shortage.
I can easily work with the coffee machine, although my milk is not always frothed well.


It’s not a very easy job, but I’m learning new things all the time. I can get new skills in the totally different field than before.
I’m not closed to the people, because I’m in touch with them all the time. It was a really huge step for me, I left my comfort zone - the truth is that I’m afraid of people… I was introvert and shy and now I’m learning, that people usually don’t want to hurt me.

Well, coffee is an interesting subject I think - the way to brew it, beans and roasting types and the flavors which we can feel… I’ve tried a lot of alternative coffees, lightly roasted, where you can feel fruity and floral flavors! It’s amazing how different the coffee is when you’re making different grind, brewing temperature, dose and just use different beans!


Since I learned that filter coffee is better than the milky one I start my day with drip or Chemex coffee. When I got my first salary I decided to buy V60, Hario kettle, gooseneck and a few kinds of high-quality beans.




With the second salary, I got a new electric mill, more precise weigh with a built-in stopwatch and Chemex. I’m testing new beans and new recipes. Every single day I’m getting more and more experienced.




I can easily see the difference between good and weak coffee. What’s more - I can even guess what was made wrong during brewery when the coffee is not good.
I’m making specialty coffee mostly, but sometimes I like to drink nice flat white too. Well, I can’t make it at home because I can’t afford to buy a coffee machine, but I have a few coffee shops which serve nice flat white “nearby” my home.

My succulents love is blooming every single day! I have few plants more - including one rare species!



Finally, I’ve sown my succulents seeds! I bought them some time ago on Aliexpress. Sowing process isn’t very complicated, but it has surely more steps than propagating from leaves.
At the beginning I prepared the box - I put wet cloth and a soil (soil + grain + active carbon). The soil for succulents sprouts has to be wet all the time!


The seeds need to be sterilized before you put them to the soil. I used a solution of potassium permanganate to make it. Oh, my amazing and reliable V60 dripper! :)



Then I could put seeds on the soil and covered with the transparent lid.
I bought 2 types of succulents seeds and one of them started growing very fast. I’m wondering if they’re real succulents. For now, they look like radish sprouts, haha! These propagated from leaves are more dwarfish.


The second type doesn’t give signs of life. But I still believe they’ll grow up soon - I’ve read that succulents seeds need sometimes more than 6 months to start germinating.
So I’m trying to be patient and we’ll see what kind of plants I’ll get. I’ve ordered random seeds.

Kotuś - my parents in law cat crossed the rainbow bridge recently :( It was less than 2 months since they’ve learned about cancer and he passed away while asleep. I feel sorrow and anger at once. My parents in law didn’t take care of him properly. I’ve mentioned it before, so I’m not going to repeat it over and over again. But still, I feel responsible for his premature death. If I wouldn’t let them adopt Kotuś he would probably be still alive!
I’ve snatched him from the hands of death when he was a kitty baby. He was loved, adored and well kept… I can’t deal with a guilt I feel.
I know that it’s too late to think what would happen ‘if’, but ‘if I would be more assertive’, ‘if I would keep him instead of looking for new home’, ‘if I would force Adam’s parents to make this eyes surgery’, ‘if’, ‘if’, ‘if’...
Now I can see a lot of moments when I could make something but I didn’t. I feel that I let him down, he trusted me, he was counting on me and I left him with incompetent people… I will never come to terms with it.

Luckily my cats are doing well right now.
No IBD symptoms since the last time Misio got his steroid. We still want to extend the period between doses to the maximum. The vet told us to wait, Misio is in good shape - he’s eating well, no diarrhea, not vomiting. I’m glad he feels good.
Also no problems with pissing. I think I should repeat the urine test as soon as it’s possible for all of the cats but it’s really stressful for Amaya. And additionally we just moved to the new flat, so if I make tests right now they’ll be unreliable.





And this is how I skipped to the next thing I wanted to write about - changing a flat.
We moved at the beginning of August. Luckily we got keys earlier, so we could somehow take our stuff on time… We’re still not fully unpacked, some boxes are staying in the middle of the hall and we don’t know where to put the stuff from the inside.
No, we haven’t bought a flat, we’re still going to rent it, especially now when I’m looking for myself. It’s hard to say where I’m going to live in next 5 years.
We’re living 800 meters from our old flat. I really didn’t want to change the district. I feel good on Ursynów and I’m going to stay close to Kabaty forest until I move to the different city (if I ever will).
I don’t like removals, I really liked our old flat, but we had to do this. It was tiring to share our bedroom with a kid. We wanted to have some privacy, I think Maja also deserve this. Now she has her own room. She’s turning 3 soon. I know that every parent wants to have a polite kid but it never works like that. I was a kid and a teenager too and I spent a lot of nights on my phone with some friends! I want to give her a chance for amazing childhood; she can burn the midnight oil sometimes, at least it’s nothing dangerous for her - she’ll just be tired during the next day.
I think Maja is happy about gaining her own small space. She’s constantly repeating, that she’s going to play, sleep or eat in HER OWN room.
New flat has an additional positive fact - we’ll have more space for our hobby. We bought a big desk with drawers for both of us, a small coffee table and some flowers for me - one succulent and 6 cacti!


After we set in order our stuff we’ll see if we still need more space for storage. We’ll have to buy some furniture for Maja soon, but at the moment these we have are good enough.

Aaaand, another news - I’ll have a preschooler soon!! Yes, yes, yes - Maja is going to the kindergarten in September! For now, she’s still in daycare, but I’ve signed her up to the English kindergarten. I think it’s very important to speak English now, it’ll make her life easier from the beginning. At the moment every single employer requires the English language.




I didn’t have an opportunity to learn it when I was a kid. English kindergartens weren’t popular when I was a kid. Of course, there was something like this, but it was expensive and my mom couldn’t afford this. Especially that she raised me alone and my father didn’t want to share any money for my needs.
I started speaking English when I was in high school, I became quite good when I’ve finished university. I’m still not perfect, but I’m trying to improve it more.
My English was too weak to go to the university abroad, Maja will be able to make it!
For now, English educational places are popular, so prices aren’t as prohibitive as in the past.

I’m a full-fledged volunteer in the cat sanctuary right now! I’ve recently got a contract!
Well, it changes nothing - with or without a contract it’s the same me with the same responsibilities and the same affection for cats! But it was somehow important to me to have this paper signed. Technically it doesn’t matter, but I feel more seriously that I’m a member of this team.








I’m still waiting for my volunteer ID card. It’s not a priority because I’m not taking part in catching sick cats events, but it can be useful for some charity events or feeding free-living cats.
I think I’m not a good person to catch free-living cats to cure or neuter them. Of course, I’m a foundation member, I’m donating them, making items for auctions, I’m there for cats. But I don’t support all their activities. Do I have to?
I really appreciate that they’re rescuing and healing cats in need, they taking care of them, love them and finding them new homes! It is an absolutely fantastic work!
I’m a neutering protagonist but I’m not promoting and supporting abortion and killing a litter of few days’ kittens.
I’m not against of abortion - this surgery is necessary sometimes; I mean there are some cases where it’s unavoidable (just like people and animals). In my opinion, a pregnant cat lady can’t decide about getting birth or not - if there are no complications she should get birth to her kitties. Terminating her pregnancy may cause more problems in her body - hormonal disorders, imaginary pregnancy, prolonging recovery after surgery and more. And killing few days’ kitties - it’s just nothing more than murdering - small, sentient cats’ babies!
It’s, unfortunately, possible to find a pregnant cat or newborn kitties during the catching free-living cats process. I just don’t want to contribute to this part of organization activities. I’m just leaving it for their conscience.
And please don’t get me wrong - I’m not judging anyone. I know myself and I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be able to help in that cases. I understand the reason for these, but on the other side, it’s not enough for me. I just don’t want to take part in this process - no matter if it’s legal or needed.
Is that make me an organization's’ rotten apple? Even if it does, girls are accepting my different opinion and they’re not trying to convince me for their anymore ;)

My Art Spirit focuses on scrapbooking right now. I’m making a lot of creative cards and envelopes for my penpals.










These envelopes look nice but I’m not sure if they’re not too fragile. Bubble envelopes are strong and protect the creative card better than the regular ones. But maybe I’ll be able to decorate these bubble envelopes too? Or maybe there are some cardboard strong envelopes available? I have to check it :)


These are photos of my past letters, the new ones I’ll share with you with the next note :)

In the nearest future, my husband wants to make a Warhammer diorama for some contest.
I was supposed to help him with creating part of the work. For now, we’re testing how to make a realistic water. I wanted to use a resin and prefers some paints and glue. I think we may make something really cool unless he resigns… He’s resigning from thousands of things because of a flash in the pan. I’m tired of constant motivating him for doing his own stuff. Anyway - it’s not my business to make this diorama. If he won’t have enough time to finish it until the contest he can also make it for the next year.

I’m slowly making my Hairpin Lace Infinity Scarf, which I’ve started in Scotland. I’m taking my time and not hurrying up. I really like this pattern but actually, I have a lot of scarves and shawls, so even if I won’t make it before winter comes, it’s ok. I won’t suffer because of the low temperatures ;)
I learned some time ago that forcing myself to finish some crafting project very fast works totally opposite for me. I’ll make it one day ;) I’m crocheting when I feel that I want to, mostly during my holidays or when I have some days off from work and nothing more important to do. It’s also a way to let the stress go out from my head. I can make one section in one evening. I think I need to make over a dozen sections to finish it.


At the end of July, we returned from the Ustka city. We decided to go by the sea to make a family relaxing trip.
Meanwhile, I’ve returned tired, stressed and disappointed. The weather was changing all the time - we had nice sunny days and also days with the pouring rain. When the weather wasn’t nice we organized some trips to the places nearby our spot. We’ve visited live butterflies and parrots exhibition, Kołobrzeg city and Słowinski National Park.










These sunny we’ve spent mostly on the beach.
Well, I really liked our active days, but these which we’ve spent sitting on the sand were so boring that I could barely stand it. Of course, I like sunbathing and swimming in the sea, but I’m definitely not this type of people who don’t want to do anything else. 2-3 hours on the beach are totally enough for me. Not 5-7!
Lucky me that I had my crochet with me!
Especially that my little daughter was terribly afraid of the water. She was screaming like insane when the wave slightly touched her feet. I know that the water in the sea is cold, but it wasn’t a problem for her - she loves to play in the garden pool, where the water is sometimes even colder…
Sooo, during the whole trip, I was able to play in the sea only once - when my husband was taking care of Maja. She was willingly playing in the sand, collecting seashells and colorful stones. But nothing more. I wanted to play with her in the sand, she wanted to build a huge sand castle but apparently, it wasn’t fun for her… The only thing she wanted to do during our building process was knocking down everything we made.




Overall balance of this trip is really paltry:

• Waking up at 6 am or even earlier (although we let Maja to go to bed after 11 pm and at home she’s going to bed at 7 pm)

• I got sunburnt because apparently, my skin doesn’t like to be exposed more than 3 hours on the full sun (yes, I’ve used 50 SPF UV protection balm)
• No swimming in the sea
• Thinking what else we can do to force Maja to eat ANYTHING for dinner. Recently we have a huge problem with how to feed our daughter. She doesn’t want to eat anything.
  When we’re at home we always try to make something healthy and tasty for her (even if it has to be a different dinner than ours). When we were by the sea we were also looking for nice spots to eat together. We gave up after 2 days. She didn’t want to even try anything (even things which she usually eats at home). So she was eating french fries, waffles, rolls and ice cream for the whole week!
  You can call me a “bad mother”, I don’t care. I realized that nothing bad will happen if she eats junk food for 1 week
• It’s really hard to plan a time with almost 3 years old kid. The only one thing she wanted to do was sitting on the beach and playing in the sand. Of course, we did it, but it was no fun for us to spend a whole day like this.
  Going for a walk - no way - after 15 minutes she wanted Adam to hold her all the time, she was crying when he refused her; going up to the lighthouse - nope - too many steps to make; boat cruise - never ever again - she was super afraid of the waves.
  Going somewhere, to the neighboring city, was also a torment because it turned out that our daughter hates to travel by car...
  Most of the things which we tried to organize, to make an entertainment for her, were criticized by her. At the beginning, she wanted to do this, and later she was moaning, whining and crying.
  Is it possible to take a rest when you’re traveling with kids? Any option?
  Cheer me up somehow :( We were planning to go to Italy with her next year, but I have to think about it, because it makes no sense if she’ll act like this again...
• Positive aspects of this trip:
• Of course the trips we made to the places nearby. I liked them all, my daughter → read above...

• Coffee - I mean coffee we made in our room and the coffee we were able to try in the alternative coffee shops

• Meeting with my friends from the Tricity - I’m so happy that I could finally meet them personally. These are my blog friends and I hope that we’ll stay friends in the future :)

So I can’t say that this trip was totally awful, but I have to admit, that I imagined it differently. More like the trips I made with my mom when I was a kid.



I was relieved when I could finally go back home! I really hate packing my stuff but believe me - it was more pleasant than these holidays. And of course, I missed my lovely cats. I really don’t like this separation from them. I think they feel the same - when we came back they were somewhere close all the time.

I think Amaya is slowly getting used to the new home. It means that she needs me more than usual.




We’ve recently made a net on the loggia and in the windows in bedroom, living room and Maja’s room. Now we can keep everything opened and the cats are safe. They love to spend their time outside, Amaya is lying on the loggia all the time.

When the September starts I want to return to the aqua aerobics. It really helped me to stay strong and fit. I also want to find some personal trainer, who prepare me to finally reach Rysy. I’ve been dreaming about it for some time and I feel that it’s a proper moment to make my dreams come true.

A few days ago we were celebrating our 6th anniversary. We spontaneously went on a quick mountain trip! We picked Karkonosze, where I’ve been before a long time ago.
I had only 3 days off from work, so we could go on a trail only once. We prefer to go up early morning, there’s not a lot of people then.









I was bit disappointed by the way on the top of Śnieżka peak. I remember that it looked like totally different over a dozen years ago. It was more “wild” and difficult I think.
We pick the track from the small Czech city - the section from the foot of the mountain was nice when it met the section from Karpacz city it turned into the paved road (available to go even with a car). I think if someone has a car with the 4-wheel drive it’s possible to go exactly on the top of Śnieżka! It’s not fun.




I prefer tracks which let me feel the contact with the mother earth. But still - views on the top were absolutely stunning :)




























We also visited Wrocław city on our way back home. It’s my favorite polish city, I’m coming there whenever I can. I don’t have to do anything specific to feel good there. We were walking around via the old town’s small charming streets, we had a nice coffee and we came to the botanical garden (we always go there when we’re in Wrocław).







In the evening we decided to celebrate, we went to the craft beer bars instead of making a romantic date. In my opinion, there is a lack of nice romantic restaurants which serve good quality food in Wrocław. But they have 2 nice multi-taps :) I think we spent a nice time together.




That’s funny - it took me more than 2 weeks to finish this post! I was writing some part of the note, deleting it, writing, changing - and over again. When I left the complete text on my computer for a few days I realized that is no longer valid today.
But now it is - finished note. I have no idea how long it’ll take me to write again because it’s not an easy period in my life. I have some issues I need to work on right not. Nothing impossible to handle, but I need a while and a self-denial. I think it’s time to make the second step...

I’ll try to catch up with your blogs before the end of the week. It’s again the same - I didn’t have time for blogging. I’m a pretty shitty blogger, ain’t I? :(