Purr Inside Of Me

It has been so long since I last wrote here. I had a lot of things to do and to be honest - I was even looking for new excuses for “I don’t have time for blogging right now”.
But I’m back right now, I always return here, no matter what...
It has been little bit melancholic here recently. Thousands of thoughts and plans are drifting inside my head. Sometimes I’m tired of it and sometimes I appreciate them.

I have some plans for the future, but my hidden coward is trying to convince me all the time, that they’re all unreal and impossible to realize.
For now, I’m not giving them up and I’m trying to keep going with the same eagerness which I had at the beginning. I still believe that I can! And I know, that when I give up now I’ll always regret it.
I was always very meticulous in making my dreams come true, but they were never risky for me. Now the situation has changed a little bit. At the beginning I didn’t have any control over it, but then I realized that I can’t just sit and wait for my internal self-discomfiture. I need to finally take life into my hands! There won’t be a better time to move on. I’m sick of eternal looking back with fear mixed with hope that everything will work out somehow and someday. Well… it’ll always be ‘somehow’, but I’ve learned some time ago that it’s not enough for me, I expect something more from my life. And this is how I’ve finally made the first step! The first step to the self-reliance, self-sufficiency, and self-success.

I can’t tell you anything more at the moment, but I promise I will when I’ll be ready for that. The only things I need right now are peace, mental support, and self-development (physical and emotional).

Cats are luckily good. Misio (I hope so) feels good with the steroid we had to change some time ago. We’re trying to extend the time between next injections.

It’s been quite long since I’ve made them urine tests. Actually, I should have done it at least 2 times during this time but I’m afraid of the results… I’m afraid that the test will show alkaline pH and crystals again… I know that it’s stupid thinking, but no one feels the pain, everyone is peeing well, no setback etc…

I’m happy about how nice they’re eating BARF. Fine, sometimes I have to add Cosma snacks for Amaya’s meal but I believe that she exactly knows how it works haha! She usually eats her meal, but sometimes she just wants to get Cosma. She’s a smart little girl!
I’m adding a lot of water for each meal I’m giving them, so even if some crystals appear, they’ll be easily removed from the body without any pain. Crystals can irritate the urethra when there is a lot of them and there is not enough urine.
Medicines and diet supplements they get also help to acidify the urine.
I’ve also recently made them some BARF with a carrot to make the meal more satiating. I have the feeling, that Misio is hungry all the time. I’m not sure why, I think he might be just gourmand, because he’s still staring at me when I’m going to the kitchen. Even if he ate just 5 min ago.
Maybe I should add more carrot inside? I’ll be testing more recipes next time, it has been the first BARF with vegetables so far!


So, yep my cats are in good condition, but unfortunately, I can’t tell the same about Kotuś.
For those who don’t know Kotuś - it’s one of the cats which we’ve rescued during the holidays 2008. They were born in the village and they quickly got calicivirus. The disease attacked their eyes. The kitty lady was blind for one eye and the male kitty was totally blind.
I took them to Warsaw to be able to heal them. We’ve found the best cat ophthalmologist in Warsaw and we went there. He helped us to heal the inflammation, but he couldn’t make any miracle - the cat stayed blind.
I couldn’t keep the cats in my home that time, because of my single-child cat lady, so we put kitties in my parents in law home. They agreed to keep them and after few days they totally fell in love with them and they decided to adopt them.
At the beginning we were happy and we let them take the cats, but we quickly realized, that it was the worst decision we could make that time.
The vet recommended to clean sew up the eyes sockets, but my parents in law disagreed. The reason why was super silly and irresponsible - they didn’t want the cats to look like toys!!
Can you believe that?
After the few years, they let the cat lady run away. We've been looking for her for a long time, without the success. I regret that day that we let her live with irresponsible people. They haven’t taken care of cats properly.
And around a month ago Kotuś started getting sick. He got huge inflammation in one of the eye sockets. We forced my parents in law to go to the vet, they did it, but they weren’t happy about that - the vet appointment costs a lot and they had to move from home.
Any antibiotics, gels and anti-inflammatory drugs didn’t help. The vet directed Kotuś to the oncologist, he has made the biopsy and histopathology test. The results came very quickly and they ruined me mentally - non-keratinizing squamous cell carcinoma.
Of course, they can make a surgery, oncological irradiation, use the super strong medicines to try to rescue him but I think it’s not humane. The cancer is located in such a bad place, that they would have to remove almost half of the skull to give him the 30% chance to recover. And the medicines he would take have a lot of side effects like diarrhea, sickness, convulsions and general weakness. During this treatment, he would be more susceptible to other diseases like flu etc.
The convalescence after that surgery can take even more than the year and cancer can grow up again in one month! The vet told us, that he recommended not to do this surgery, he would definitely refuse such an invasive treatment if it would concern to his cat. I hope my parents in law won’t decide to heal him at all costs.
The vet told us that the best way is to let him live until he’s in good condition with painkillers. And later we should let him cross the rainbow bridge with dignity and without suffering.
I feel sad, distraught over and mad. Because if they agree for sewing up the eye sockets a few years ago, that issue wouldn’t appear right now!
The vet ensured us that the abscessed eyes (which have all the time contact with dust, soil, dirt) usually provides to cancer. It’s 80% of a chance! Even if they cleaned his eyes all the time!
I can’t forgive myself, that we let them decide about the cats! We should have kept them until the whole process ends! They would get the cats with sewed eyes and Kotuś would probably be able to grow old…
There is no consolation in this situation, I feel guilty...

I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned it before on my blog, for sure I shared it on my Instagram account. It has been a year since I started to write letters with the people from different countries! That’s funny because I have no penpals from Poland :) Well, I haven’t had any till now. I feel that I made a new friendship with some polish girl :) It was an unexpected decision because I wasn’t looking for any new penpals. I know that girl from the virtual world and recently we both decided that it would be nice to share snail mails :) I feel really excited!

First few letters I’ve made wasn’t really nice. I see a lot of shortcomings and deficiencies in my past handmade cards. But the longer I make a scrapbooking card, the better they are! They’re all made with love, I hope my panpals can appreciate it.

These are my recent cards, I’m going to make some more soon! I have 3 letters to write when I come back home!
I’m counting on your constructive criticism ;)

I can officially add the coffee to my interests! I’m learning new things about the beans - what kind of roasting is the best for each of them, how to make a good coffee and how to not to screw it up :) I can recognize better beans from the worse ones, I can feel few flavors in well-made coffee. I’m checking some recipes I find on the internet.

It’s still a long way to be a coffee expert, but I feel I’m a coffee freak right now! I can make a good Aeropress coffee, latte, cappuccino and flat white. In the nearest future, I’m going to learn how to make a perfect filter coffee and maybe Chemex coffee too!
And I dream about the latte art training too! The “coffee world” is quite peculiar but in positive meaning. I would like to join it one day!

I wanted to try something new in my life (because to be honest - I hate coding!) I found a job in the coffee shop. For now, I’m still during my training, we’ll see how it goes!
For now, I’m satisfied, I like to work with the coffee machine the most, but I also like my team and the coffee shop is located close to my home (10 min with a car).
Well, I’m not an early bird, but waking up at 5 am is nice when I can watch the beautiful sunrise! Believe me, the sun rises in Warsaw can be also beautiful!

Due to the fact that I started a new job, I’m less active in the cat sanctuary. And it doesn’t mean that I’m less often there - I’m still regularly, but I have less power for working there.
Before I started working in the coffee shop I could clean the whole sanctuary before my team got to there (I was usually the first there). Now I’m making less because I'm tired. Everything is going slowly, I don’t feel very comfortable with it, but I hope I’ll be able to get used to the new situation quickly.
If nothing will change I’ll try to get one day off from work to be in full strength in the sanctuary. At least - I’m not hired for full time, it’s 3/4 part time ;)
Anyway, I’m really happy and satisfied with working there. I can be there to help cats and to spend my time with them. They need a love and attention so much! I feel that my presence is valuable for them the same as for me!

I love them all and if I only could, I would adopt them all! But I’m pretty sure that they wouldn’t be happy if they all lived in one flat. If there are too many cats, they’ll never get as much attention as they need! They wouldn’t be able to rest alone without a contact with other cats. The last issue I would probably have is the financial deficiencies - I don’t have infinite money so I would have to divide it for all of them, which would cause reducing the comfort of their lives :/
But I’m regularly in the sanctuary - just for them!
And… I’ll get the official volunteer id card soon! ;)

My love to the succulents is growing up each one day! Until the last note, I haven’t bought a lot of them, only a few single plants appeared on my shelves.

They’re all already replanted into cute pots! Few of them started to bloom!
Small seedlings are growing more roots. I think I’ll be able to repot them in next few weeks or months! :)

I think they like the soil I’ve made! They’re growing fast and nicely! :)
Two of them which had the soil I’ve used before have died :( And I had to replant one of the succulents I have before we started a trip because it didn’t look good. I hope it’ll grow up well now.

Well, I hoped that my tooth implant will be done in the middle of May, but it would be too perfect to be real…
The implant screw is fine, but the tooth next to it is in worse condition. It seems to be the same problem as a few years ago with the tooth I had to remove. I’m afraid, that I’ll lose it too...
My dentist is still waiting with that decision, she’s still trying to rescue it. She doesn’t want to finish the implantation before won’t decide what to do with this tooth. If we have to extract it she’ll make 2 crowns on one the one screw. It makes some sense I think.
I would like to believe that she’ll be able to keep it but I have not really good experiences with the returning periodontitis… :(

At the moment I’m spending my time in the UK, it’s half-holidays time.
I was supposed to add this note before we departed, but I was moving it all the time and finally, I didn’t make it.
I’ll try to write about the trip soon, I have a lot of gorgeous photos and movies! :) I’m going to also make some short movie to upload on youtube. I think it can take me a while because my movie maker experience is not very long :) But you can expect new note here during this month I think :)

So, see you again soon! ;)